


Your Body's A Message

by lovesnarf (snarfette)



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-05 23:12:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11588121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarfette/pseuds/lovesnarf
Summary: The man rubbed his thumb across his lip and eyed Robert with a smirk on his face. "I'm not going anywhere, blondie," he said. "Like I said, I've got unfinished business with Livesy and I'm not going anywhere until it's been dealt with. So why don't you give lover boy a call and tell him Jason wants a word."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This came about because I kept wondering what would happen if Jason turned up at The Mill again looking to settle the score with Aaron, but instead of finding Aaron there, he found Robert. I'll apologise now and then go and hang my head in shame.
> 
> Title from 'Blame' by Bastille. 
> 
> I’m snarfettelove on tumblr.

Robert nearly ignored the knocking at the front door. Who would be coming to visit him? Maybe Vic coming to tell him to sort himself out and stop moping. Or, God forbid, Diane and Doug with more 'helpful tips' about how he needed to give Aaron space to find himself. If they suggested that he moved back in with them, he didn't think he'd be able to hold back his response which would no doubt offend them deeply. And he could really do without pissing off anyone else in the village.

Something made him go to the door but he didn't recognise the man standing outside it through the frosted glass. He pulled the door open and looked questioningly at the tall, bald-headed bloke standing there.

"Yes?" he said, rather shortly, but he just wasn't in the mood for someone wasting his time.

The man looked him up and down briefly and then smiled rather oddly. It was like he'd just realised something as he assessed Robert.

"Alright, mate, I was just wondering if Aaron was around."

The question caught Robert a little off guard and he felt his heart thud painfully at the mention of his 'husband'? Ex-husband? He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"No, he's not here at the moment," he replied simply, not wanting to have to say that he actually had no idea when Aaron would be 'around' or exactly where he was at that moment.

"Shame," the tall man said, as he peered around Robert as though he thought that Aaron was maybe sitting on the sofa.

Robert didn't really like the bloke. He seemed pretty rude and he had no idea where Aaron had met him but he wasn't impressed by his choice of acquaintance. He moved to shut the door, but the other man suddenly moved his hand and slammed it against the wood of the door.

"You see, I have some unfinished business with Livesy."

'Livesy' - the name made Robert's stomach churn as he thought of Gordon, but how the hell did this man know that name? He must have known Aaron a long time ago. Unless...it suddenly dawned on Robert who was standing in his doorway and he felt a rage he'd never known before fill him up.

"You bastard," he spat, but before he could say any more, the man had pushed through the doorway and into Robert's home. Robert struggled against him, trying to push him back. This man who had made Aaron's time in prison hell on earth could not be allowed to enter their home and defile it with his presence, but he was far stronger than Robert and he was clearly used to getting his own way by intimidating people. Robert wasn't afraid of him though. He didn't have anything he could use to torment Robert, like he had Aaron. They weren't locked in a prison together with no escape. He wasn’t going to bullied.

"Get the fuck out of my house," Robert demanded as the man casually wandered around the living room.

The man rubbed his thumb across his lip and eyed Robert with a smirk on his face. "I'm not going anywhere, blondie," he said. "Like I said, I've got unfinished business with Livesy and I'm not going anywhere until it's been dealt with. So why don't you give lover boy a call and tell him Jason wants a word."

Robert gave him his best condescending look. Even though Jason was an imposing figure, Robert wasn’t about to show him that he was intimidated. Ultimately, he held the power here. One phone call to the police and Jason would be back inside – where he belonged.

“You’re going to be waiting a long time, then,” Robert said, trying to keep his voice calm, as though he wasn’t even remotely bothered about this thug being in his home, Aaron’s home. “I don’t take orders from people like you and Aaron certainly isn’t going to come running just because you click your fingers. The only call I’ll be making is to the police if you don’t get out.”

There was a certain thrill about what was happening. Robert had been going through the motions of day to day living without feeling anything other than despair since Aaron had told him it was over and disappeared off to Ireland. But this, dealing with this thug and telling him to fuck off, was making Robert feel again. He enjoyed the feeling of telling Jason where to go despite the knowledge that this man was potentially dangerous. It felt good to be taking a risk and standing up for Aaron in the process. And now that Robert knew who he was dealing with, knew the face and the name of the man who had caused Aaron such anguish, he was already plotting his revenge. As soon as he’d got rid of Jason from the house, he was going to make some phone calls. He may have moved on in his life, become a better person in so many ways, but a lot of that was down to Aaron and if he could thank him for that by making the bastard in front of him right now suffer, then he was going to do it.

Robert didn’t take his eyes off Jason as the other man prowled around the room. Jason was watching him in return, something predatory glinting in his eyes as he moved to stand in front of the sofa.

“You’d be surprised what Livesy does when I click my fingers,” he remarked with a smirk, before sitting himself down on the sofa and getting comfortable. “Did you know I’ve been here before, brought him some Spice when the poor princess couldn’t cope with life on the outside?”

Robert was seething. Not only at Jason’s words but also at the private knowledge that it was his fault that Aaron had got so desperate.

“So where is the little junkie, then?” Jason continued. “Don’t tell me he’s at work. Got it all sorted, hasn’t he? Job to come home to, nice place, doting husband.” He nodded towards the ring still on Robert’s finger, another blow to his heart, although at least Jason didn’t know that they were separated so he couldn’t use that as ammunition. “Alright for some, I suppose. Some lads come out of prison and have nothing left. But then again that means nothing left to lose.”

Robert had had enough of this conversation: he didn’t like what was being said or the calm way in which Jason was talking to him like they were mates in the pub or something. He wanted Jason gone.

“It’s time you left,” he said bluntly. “Leave now and I won’t call the police.”

Jason stood up swiftly and took two strides towards Robert. He stood eye to eye with him for a moment before he glanced down briefly at his own hand. Robert followed the movement and drew in a breath at the sight of the pocket knife that Jason had produced and flicked open with practised ease.

“You won’t be calling the police,” Jason told him lowly. “But it’s time you made that phone call to Livesy.”

Robert swallowed thickly. He was in trouble. Even if he called Aaron it wouldn’t do any good. Aaron probably wouldn’t even pick up if he saw Robert calling. For the first time since Aaron had left, Robert was actually pleased that he wasn’t anywhere near Emmerdale because that meant that he wasn’t anywhere near this psycho.

He quickly weighed up his options. If he told Jason that Aaron was away, maybe he’d give up and just leave. He might end up getting a black eye for his trouble but at least it would get rid of Jason until Robert could formulate a proper plan.

“He’s away on business,” Robert replied eventually. “He won’t be back for days.”

“That’s convenient,” Jason said. “But I still think you should give him a call. It might encourage him to wrap up his ‘business’ and come home faster.”

Robert swallowed again, but Jason just smirked at him. “Let’s have a seat, shall we?” He gestured towards the sofa with the hand holding the knife and Robert had no choice but to comply.

Once he was sitting down, he pulled his phone from the pocket of his jeans. Jason stood over him watching him with a raised eyebrow. Robert just stared at his phone for a long time, desperately trying to think of a way out of this situation. Could he get away with calling someone else? But who would he call that would actually help him? It wasn’t like he could call Vic and get her involved in something like this. He thought of Cain but knew that Aaron’s uncle was as likely to punch him as Jason was. And he’d never get away with it. Jason was watching him like a hawk.

“Any day now, blondie,” Jason said as he waved the knife in front of Robert’s face.

He had no choice. He unlocked his phone and pulled up his contacts. He hadn’t spoken to Aaron in over two weeks and hadn’t dialled his number, trying to give Aaron the space that he’d begged for, no matter how much it was killing Robert.

He touched Aaron’s number on the screen and a picture of his husband from their wedding day appeared as the call started. Robert’s heart leapt at the sight and he wasn’t sure what he wanted to happen. Did he want Aaron to answer, just so he could hear his voice? Or did he want to be ignored so Aaron could stay blissfully unaware of what was going on right now? He knew the answer really. He didn’t want Aaron to suffer any more pain, even if that was like a knife to his own heart.

The ringing continued with no answer and Robert breathed a sigh of relief when the call went to his answer phone. He pressed the speaker button and held it up as the pre-recorded voice told them that the person couldn’t be reached. Typically, Aaron hadn’t even bothered to record his own message.

Jason’s jaw tensed a little as he listened to the voice but before Robert could hang up, he’d grabbed the phone from his hand just as the woman’s voice finished her message. A beep sounded and Jason spoke into the phone.

“Livesy,” he started, and Robert knew that that one word would send a shiver of disgust through Aaron. “I’ve come to pay you a visit and I’m disappointed that you’re not at home. We’ve got things to sort out, don’t you think? But don’t worry, I’m happy to wait here with blondie until you get home. Don’t be too long.” He ended the call and tossed the phone back onto the sofa beside Robert. “How long do you think it’ll take him to get back from his business trip now?” Jason asked with another smirk on his face. He sat down in the chair near where Robert was sitting and crossed his legs at the ankles like he was completely relaxed, the knife still in his hand.

***

It had been nearly two hours of sitting in near silence. Occasionally, Jason had made some snide comment about the flat or Aaron, but that had been all. And he was clearly getting restless.

The phone had remained silent. Nothing from Aaron at all. Robert wondered if he’d even listened to the message or just ignored it completely, not wanting to hear Robert’s voice, not realising that it wouldn’t be Robert speaking at all.

Jason suddenly stood up and began pacing in front of Robert. “It seems like I might have been wrong,” he said. “I thought he’d come running when he realised I was here with you, but maybe I’ve missed something. Maybe he doesn’t care after all. Has he left you? Did you wait for him while he was inside, only to have him run off with someone else as soon as he got out?” he taunted.

Robert flinched from the words that were somehow so close to home, yet still so far from the truth. “I told you, he’s away,” he forced the words out.

“And so busy he can’t even call to see if you’re alright?” Jason scoffed. “I think you’ve been wasting my time.”

Robert pushed himself up from the sofa. “Just leave,” he said angrily. He’d had enough of this. “He’s not coming back here so there’s no point you hanging around.”

Jason narrowed his eyes at him and his nostrils flared. He stepped into Robert’s space again and spoke lowly. “Well, I’d better get going then if you say so. But just in case he does come back, maybe you can pass on a message to him from me.”

Robert blinked once and then sucked in a sharp breath. His face scrunched up as he looked down at his stomach where Jason had plunged the knife into him. He looked back up and saw Jason pucker his lips in a mocking kiss before he yanked the knife out. Robert cried out before he collapsed to his knees. He looked up at Jason who smirked at him once more before he turned around. He walked out of the front door, shutting it behind him as though he didn’t have a care in the world.

Robert fell to his side, clutching at his stomach feeling the warmth of his own blood pouring from the wound and covering his hands. His mind was screaming at him that he needed to do something if he didn’t want to die here on the floor. His phone. He needed his phone.

Reaching up, he blindly patted along the cushion of the sofa desperately hoping to be able to reach his phone. His fingers grazed against hard plastic and he fumbled around until he could grab it. As he pulled it towards the edge of the sofa, it slipped from his grasp, his hands too slick with blood to hold on. It fell to the floor just out of his reach.

Trying to stretch to grab it pulled at his stomach and cried out in pain again. He could feel his strength slipping away: he’d lost too much blood by now. Things were starting to look fuzzy around the edges.

The phone vibrating across the hardwood floor jolted him back to focus and he moved his head slightly to look at it. Aaron’s face was flashing on the screen, the same picture from their wedding day that Robert had seen only a few hours ago, but now a smear of sticky blood ruined the image.

Robert closed his eyes as the vibrating stopped. It was over. As his phone starting vibrating on the floor again, he felt himself drifting away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about that – I just couldn’t resist the angst! So, do I leave it there? Or would anyone like to see a continuation of this, probably from Aaron’s point of view?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response to the first part of this I posted was amazing - thank you so much! And because of that, I've decided I really had to continue it. I really wasn't sure whether to just leave it where I'd ended it, but I've been convinced to write more by your lovely comments. 
> 
> More angst this way...

Aaron had been scowling at his phone for the last couple of hours. Every time he pressed the home button, the missed call and voicemail notification seemed to taunt him. One missed call: Robert. And one voicemail.

When his phone had started ringing earlier, he’d not really known what to do. He’d looked at the screen blankly as Robert’s name appeared.

Of course his mum had taken one look at it and started ranting and raving about how Robert should just leave him alone, but something just felt wrong to Aaron. Why now? Why would Robert have waited for so long to contact him? If he’d finally accepted Aaron’s plea for space and time to get his head sorted, which he apparently had because he’d not been in touch for weeks, why would be suddenly call out of the blue like that?

“I bet he’s drunk and feeling sorry for himself so he’s called you hoping you’ll pick up so he can tell you how sorry he is,” Chas had declared angrily. “He’s got a bloody nerve.”

Before Aaron had had chance to say anything, or answer the call, the ringing had stopped and he he’d been left wondering in silence. It hadn’t taken long for the voicemail alert to go off and now the two icons sat side by side on his lock screen.

The last few weeks had been good for him. Exactly what he’d needed. He needed time away from Emmerdale to actually be able to _think_ without being surrounded by everything that had gone wrong. He’d needed that space from Robert, too.

He hadn’t been lying when he’d said that he’d always love Robert. God, he loved him so much. They’d been through so much to get to where they were, but with everything that had happened, and everything closing in around Aaron in the village, he’d had to get away from it all. And he’d missed Robert, a lot. He missed waking up next to him and the easy way that they moved around one another in the house, but that had been missing for a long time, longer than just the last few weeks that he’d spent in Ireland. One thing was for sure; he still wanted to be with Robert.

The time he’d spent away had helped him to see things more clearly and think about his own needs. He knew that he needed to continue with his therapy and express his feelings in a better way, but he also knew that he couldn’t be so dependent on Robert. And Robert, who Aaron had decided really needed some counselling of his own, was going to have to learn that his whole life couldn’t revolve around Aaron either. It just wasn’t healthy. As soon as something went wrong between them, they both went into self-destruct mode. Aaron turning his suffering inwards on himself; Robert lashing out at the person he loved the most. It was destroying them both; _they_ were destroying themselves.

They had some serious issues to deal with, but Aaron wanted them to get through them – together. Things weren’t just going to be magically ‘better’, the wounds they’d inflicted weren’t going to be healed by a few weeks of space, but the one thing that Aaron knew, deep in his very soul, was that they were worth fighting for. What they had, the love they shared, was worth trying for. And if Robert was willing to try, Aaron was going to be right there alongside him.   

Aaron picked up his phone and pressed the home button again. The two notifications were still there. Maybe it was time to talk to Robert. That’s all it had to be. He wasn’t planning on jumping on the next plane home or asking Robert to move back into The Mill with him, but maybe they should start by just talking to one another. Maybe that’s what had been missing all along – communication.

He thumbed his passcode into his phone and pressed to listen to the voicemail. His heart actually thumped a little harder in his chest at the prospect of hearing Robert’s voice for the first time in weeks. He held the phone up to his ear and waited for the message to start.

 _‘Livesy,_ ’ No, no, no, no. Aaron couldn’t believe his ears. It couldn’t be. _‘I’ve come to pay you a visit and I’m disappointed that you’re not at home.’_ He’s in my house. He’s there. _‘We’ve got things to sort out, don’t you think?’_ No, it was over. Cain had seen him off. _‘But don’t worry, I’m happy to wait here with blondie until you get home.’_ Robert – oh God, he’s with Robert. _‘Don’t be too long.’_ No, this couldn’t be happening. Jason was there, in his home, with Robert. Doing God knows what to him. What if Robert had tried to stand up to him? For all he thought he was tough, he wouldn’t stand a chance against the likes of Jason. What if he’d beaten him up?

Aaron could feel himself gasping for air, the phone had fallen to the table, as he clutched at his chest and drew in shuddering breaths.

His mum was suddenly there, wrapping her arms around him and stroking his face. “Aaron…what is it, love? Calm down, sweetheart. Just breathe. That’s it, just breathe with me.”

Finally managing to catch his breath and fill his lungs with air, Aaron looked at her in horror. “It’s Rob,” he said hoarsely.

“Oh, what’s he done now?” Chas asked angrily. “You didn’t listen to that voicemail, did you? I told you it’d just upset you.”

“No, mum,” Aaron said as he impatiently pushed his mother’s arms away from him. He grabbed for his phone and quickly found Robert’s number. He held the phone to his ear and pushed himself up from his chair.

“Pick up, pick up,” he chanted as he paced the room, listening to the phone ring and ring.

Nothing. The call went to answer phone.

He disconnected and immediately dialled again.

Again the call went to answer phone and Aaron nearly screamed in frustration. He felt sick to his stomach as all the possibilities flashed through his head.

“Aaron, love, what is it?” Chas was watching him with wide eyes.

“It’s Robert,” Aaron repeated. “He’s in trouble.”

“Well what are you supposed to do about it from here?” Chas asked. “If he’s got himself into some mess back home, he’ll have to figure it out on his own.”

“It’s _my_ fault!” Aaron yelled at her. He lifted the phone to his ear again.

This time the call was answered.

“Adam,” he breathed out in a rush of relief.

“Mate!” Adam greeted him brightly. “Guess what I’m up to?”

“No, I don’t have time for that,” Aaron cut him off bluntly. “I need you to go over to The Mill. Find Cain and take him with you.”  

“What are you on about?” Adam asked in confusion.

“That bloke from prison, the one I told you about, he’s in the flat and Robert’s there,” Aaron told him in a rush. “You’ve gotta get over there, now.”

“Alright, mate, alright. I’m on my way,” Adam said, and Aaron could actually hear his feet slapping against the concrete as he started running. “I’ll call you back, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Aaron agreed. “Be careful.”

He ended the call and stared at his phone for a moment before he tried ringing Robert again. The call just kept reaching Robert’s voicemail; his formal business voice on the recorded message, that Aaron had teased him about so much, telling Aaron that he wasn’t available and he’d get back to him.  

Aaron didn’t leave a message.

***

“Aaron…mate…you’d better come.”

Aaron hadn’t heard much more than that when Adam had finally called him back. It had felt like a lifetime just waiting.

Chas had spent the entire time telling him that Robert would be fine. He’d probably gotten himself punched in the face for being a cocky git, but that was nothing new to Robert, and he’d be _fine_.

But Aaron wasn’t convinced. He _wanted_ to believe that what his mum said was true. Not that he wanted Robert to have been punched or anything, but that almost seemed like the best case scenario.

He knew Jason though. He knew that the man was a thug and a bully, who wouldn’t shy away from violence for the sake of it, because he enjoyed the power it gave him. And he knew that in Jason’s eyes, Aaron owed him something. Being scared off by Cain hadn’t been the end of their interactions. He should have known that. He should’ve known that Jason would want to exert his power over Aaron again. He should’ve known that he’d be back to finish what he started. And if Jason couldn’t get what he felt was owed to him by kicking the shit out of Aaron, he wouldn’t hesitate to dish out the punishment he felt was due to someone else, someone who Aaron cared about, just to send him a message.

The call from Adam, when it eventually came, had been brief. He’d sounded shaken and he’d stumbled over his words like he didn’t know what to say.

“You’d better come.”

It was bad, then.

Adam hadn’t elaborated, not that Aaron could really hear him over the rushing in his ears after how Adam had greeted him, but he’d caught random words, like ‘hospital’ and ‘ambulance’.

If Robert had been punched in the face, there wouldn’t be any need for an ambulance or hospitals, would there? He’d be nursing his eye with a bag of frozen peas pressed against it, chuntering to Cain about how he was intending to go after Jason and make him rue the day he’d ever pissed off Robert Sugden.  If that was the case, there would be no reason for Aaron to be there.

“You’d better come.” Adam’s words echoed in his mind, reminding him that he hadn’t been there. And whatever had happened was bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm snarfettelove on tumblr.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your feedback has been so amazing on this fic so far - thank you so much! I'm back from my holidays now so hopefully I'll be able to knuckle down and actually do some writing - she says!

Such a short flight should not have dragged by so slowly. Aaron had been restless for the entire journey and the poor woman sitting beside him must have thought he was a complete head-case. He didn’t care. It felt like days since he’d first heard that voicemail message from Robert’s phone, but in reality it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours.

His mum had offered to go with him. She was obviously worried about him as he’d grabbed his stuff and jammed it into his bags. He’d hardly spoken after getting off the phone from Adam, and Chas had followed him around trying to offer support, just receiving grunts or silence from her son.

“I can come with you,” she’d suggested.

“It’s fine,” Aaron had told her.

“But I’m worried about you rushing off in a state like this,” she’d continued. “I thought one of the reasons for you wanting to get some space was that you didn’t want to get involved in Robert’s problems.”

He’d stopped moving at that, washbag in hand as he stared at her. She’d stared back at him and he could tell that she was worried that she’d said the wrong thing and he was about to explode in a rage.

He’d drawn in a deep breath. “Robert’s problems are mine,” he’d said calmly. “What’s happened between us…I’m not just forgetting all of that and pretending it’s going to all suddenly be okay, but…I still love him. Something’s happened to him and I need to be with him. If he needs me, I have to go.”

Chas had simply nodded at that. She’d pulled him into a tight hug before releasing him so that he could get to the airport.

The time that had dragged on the plane was time that Aaron intended to make up as soon as they’d landed. He grabbed his bags and ran through the airport as soon as he’d cleared all of the checks. He jumped into a waiting taxi and willed the miles away as they headed towards the hospital.

When the taxi pulled up in the drop-off zone outside the hospital, Aaron grabbed his bags again and ran through the doors. He located the ward number that Adam had text him when he’d landed and followed the signs, cursing ridiculous hospital layouts with their confusing, never ending corridors. He finally rounded a corner to see a desk and was about to ask the nurses there for where he could find Robert, when he heard his name called from behind him.

Vic was standing in the doorway of a relatives’ room, looking pale and red-eyed.

“Vic,” he said; it almost sounded like a question. Then he was rushing over to her and dropping his bags on the floor as she opened her arms to hug him.

“Where is he?” he asked desperately as he pulled back to look at her. “What’s happened?” He had so many questions he needed answers to, but mostly he just wanted someone to tell him that Robert was alright. He almost wished that Vic had looked at him in shock and asked him why he’d bothered coming when it had all been a panic over nothing. The look on Victoria’s face told him that wasn’t the case.

“We’ve been here all night,” Vic began. “The doctors are in with him again now so we had to come to wait out here.”

Impatiently, Aaron waited for her to continue. He didn’t want to bite her head off seeing as she was clearly exhausted and on the verge of bursting into tears. He knew how that felt.

“I don’t know how much Adam told you,” she continued. “When they got to the flat, they found Robert…” she trailed off and drew in a sharp inhale. Aaron swallowed thickly, trying not to panic as he waited for Vic to carry on. “He’d been stabbed…in the stomach.”

Aaron must have squeezed his eyes shut because the next thing he knew Vic was rubbing his arm and guiding him further into the room. When he opened his eyes, he saw Diane and Adam sitting there and Vic was still standing beside him watching him closely, like he was about to fall apart at any moment. He felt like he might.

“Mate.” Adam was up and out of his seat, pulling him into another, more fierce hug. He looked at his friend sadly as they parted and Aaron could see so much emotion on his friend’s face.

“What…what happened after…after you found him? Is he gonna be alright? Can I see him?” So many questions and getting to the answers felt like wading through treacle.

“They brought him in and then rushed him straight off,” Adam told him. Aaron looked at his best friend and didn’t need to say that he wanted him to be honest with him; he needed to know how bad it was. “He didn’t look good, mate.”

Aaron blew out a long breath and felt the heat of tears prickly in his eyes. “And now?” he forced out. “What have they said?”

Vic stepped up to him again. “The doctors said the knife had caused some internal damage. His spleen has been damaged and they had to operate to repair it. He’d lost a lot of blood and he’d gone into shock by the time Adam and Cain found him. He’s having a blood transfusion now.”

Aaron could feel himself shaking a little at the information. He’d needed to hear exactly what was wrong with Robert, but actually knowing was so painful – like _he_ was the one who’d been stabbed.

“The doctors seem really positive,” Vic continued as she stroked his arm again. She seemed so strong in that moment, like she was going to hold him up if he collapsed under the weight of what had happened.  And she’d been here before, hadn’t she? Waiting to hear whether her brother would live or die after someone had ruthlessly attacked him and left him for dead. It was the same for Vic, but everything was so different for Aaron this time.

“Do you think I’ll be able to see him?” he asked, and wondered when his voice had become so weak.  

“I’m sure they’ll come and let us know when the doctors are finished with him, pet,” Diane spoke for the first time since Aaron had arrived. “He’s made of strong stuff, you know.”

Robert was strong – he was always strong. Hadn’t he reminded Aaron of that after the whole mess with Rebecca was out in the open? What if he couldn’t be strong anymore? What if this was too much? What if Aaron lost his chance to tell Robert that he wanted them to work through it all?

He shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts. If Robert was being strong, then Aaron had to do the same. He slumped down into the plastic chair beside Adam to impatiently wait for news.

***

When the doctor had finally come and told them that Robert could have visitors now, Aaron had practically jumped out of his seat. He listened to the doctor talk about Robert’s injuries and how they would have to monitor him for complications, but he seemed to be stable.

Aaron didn’t breathe a sigh of relief. He couldn’t. Not until he saw Robert with his own eyes.

He didn’t even ask anyone else if they wanted to go in to see Robert and none of them made any attempt to go with him when he followed the doctor out of the relatives’ room and down the corridor. Stopping outside the door to a room, the doctor smiled sympathetically at Aaron.

“He’s asleep right now, and even if he wakes up he’ll probably be very lethargic and confused, which is to be expected. Don’t worry too much about that. You can sit with him for a while, but don’t expect too much from him. And don’t let the machines around the bed alarm you; they’re all there to help him.” The doctor smiled again before he pushed the door open and allowed Aaron to enter the room. “A nurse will be along shortly to check on him.”

Then, Aaron was alone. Or not alone, really. He was with Robert, who looked just as he did when he was sleeping in their bed, apart from the sickly pallor of his skin. _God, he looks so pale_ , Aaron thought to himself as he stepped closer to the bed. As he approached, he took in all of the tubes and machines around the bed, hooked up to Robert. A bag of deep, red blood hung nearby and a tube disappeared into Robert’s arm that lay motionless on top of the startlingly white sheet that covered his body.

The last time he’d stood in this position, he’d told Robert to hurry up and die, that no-one would miss him. He shuddered at the memory. He’d meant those words then. But now he couldn’t imagine a world without Robert in it. He couldn’t imagine _his_ world without Robert in it. For all they needed space and time, a chance to heal, he knew that eventually they would come back together because that’s where they belonged.

He slowly sat down in the chair beside the bed, his eyes never leaving Robert’s still form. Robert looked so much smaller like this, so vulnerable as he lay motionless in the bed. Aaron was used to Robert seeming so bright, used to him seeming to fill a room with his personality, used to him seeming larger than Aaron, even though he wasn’t that much taller despite Robert’s claims to the contrary. This wasn’t a Robert he was used to. He didn’t want to be the one standing beside a hospital bed desperately watching each rise and fall of Robert’s chest.

He didn’t know what to do, but he wanted Robert to know that he was there, so he carefully lifted Robert’s hand from the bed and stroked the back of it with his thumb.

“I’m here,” he murmured softly.

He sat in silence after that, looking at Robert’s pale face, committing every feature to his memory. As he stroked at Robert’s hand, he glanced down and felt something squeeze painfully at his heart. Robert wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. A line of paler skin marked where the ring had once been, but now it was gone. Had Robert taken it off? Given up on the hope that they could ever work things out? Given up on Aaron? He didn’t want to believe it. Even after how they’d left things, how Aaron had told Robert it was over, he didn’t want to really accept that Robert would have given up on them and decided it really wasn’t worth wearing the ring anymore.

He dragged in a sharp breath and blinked away the burn of tears in his eyes. His thumb rubbed across the skin of Robert’s ring finger.

***

Aaron had no idea how much time had trickled by as he sat with Robert’s hand in his own. The only thing that marked any passing of time was the constant regular visits from nurses, popping in, smiling at Aaron sympathetically and checking on Robert before scribbling in the chart at the foot of his bed and then disappearing quietly.

Eventually Robert started to move slightly, his fingers first, and then when Aaron looked up at his face, his mouth was twitching, turning down slightly at the corners like he was uncomfortable and trying to stir himself from his sleep. It seemed to take an age, but painfully slowly, Robert’s eyes fluttered open.

The doctor had been right. Robert was clearly confused as he sleepily blinked and his eyes slowly moved, taking in the room.

Eventually, his eyes landed on Aaron and he squinted at him like he wasn’t really there and he needed to clear his vision to remove the Aaron-shaped mirage. When that didn’t seem to work, he croaked out, “Aaron?”

“Hey,” Aaron replied, swallowing past the thickness in his throat. “It’s me, I’m here.” He squeezed Robert’s hand a little more tightly as though he needed to prove it to him.

Robert frowned at him and then started to shake his head agitatedly. “No,” he said, his voice still gravelly from disuse. “No…you’re not…you shouldn’t be here.”

Flinching from the words, Aaron couldn’t stop the hurt that flashed through him as Robert weakly pulled his hand away from Aaron’s grip. A machine beside the bed started rapidly making a high pitched beeping sound and Aaron pushed himself up from his chair in panic. “Robert…calm down,” he begged. “It’s alright, it’s going to be alright.”

“No, no,” Robert was moaning and still shaking his head against his pillow as hospital staff appeared in the doorway and surrounded the bed, pushing Aaron away from where Robert was clearly in a great deal of distress.

“Robert, you need to calm down or you’re going to tear your stitches,” he heard one of the doctors say.

Watching on with wide eyes, Aaron didn’t know what to do. It was terrifying not knowing why Robert had reacted in such a way, but feeling like he’d caused it in some way, and now hearing the doctors and nurses calling out medical jargon and rushing around. He backed away from the bed, fearing that his mere presence was harming Robert in some way. He’d nearly made it to the door when he heard it.

“Aaron?” Robert’s voice was still rough, but he sounded scared as he called out. “Aaron, please…please don’t go.”

The change from Robert being upset at seeing him to now begging him to stay left Aaron completely bewildered but he couldn’t refuse. He wouldn’t leave Robert when he sounded so afraid. “I’m here, Rob,” he said gently as he stepped around one of the nurses to be back in Robert’s line of sight.

Robert’s panicked gaze landed on him immediately and for a moment he just looked at Aaron peacefully, a tiny smile pulling at his lips. Then his eyelids suddenly seemed to become heavy and his eyes fell shut.

“What…” Aaron started as he looked straight at Robert’s doctor for an explanation. He didn’t really know what he wanted to ask though.

“We’ve given him a mild sedative just to keep him calm for now,” the doctor told him. “As I said before, it’s not unusual for patients to wake up feeling confused. Robert has been through a traumatic experience. His body and his mind need time to recover properly and, whilst I know that it must have been frightening for you to see him like that, his reaction is not uncommon at all. Hopefully when he regains consciousness next time, he’ll be calmer.”

Blowing out a long breath, Aaron tried to get a grip on his emotions. He was truly shaken by what had just happened. Firstly, hearing Robert say he shouldn’t even be there, and then seeing him get so distressed had been terrible. And he couldn’t help but feel like he’d deserved it. Maybe Robert wasn’t confused at all – maybe he really didn’t want Aaron anywhere near him. But then he’d practically begged him not to leave. He couldn’t get his head around any of it; he couldn’t think straight enough to be able to try.

“You’re welcome to sit with him again,” the doctor said, “but he’ll be asleep for some time now. If you’d rather go home and get some rest, and then come back in a few hours, that’s fine – he won’t know either way.”

Aaron looked at the doctor who was smiling sympathetically at him. “Will someone call me if…well, if anything…you know,” he managed to say.

“Of course,” the doctor replied. “If you give your number to the staff at the desk, they’ll add it to Robert’s file.”

Aaron did that and then went back to the relatives’ room. He explained what had happened and they all decided to head back to the village for a few hours while Robert was asleep. Aaron knew that he wouldn’t stay away long, but sitting staring at Robert in his hospital bed wasn’t helpful to anyone right now and the fear that Robert might wake up and recoil from him again was just too much to bear.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeing as the storyline featuring Jason on the show is doing my head in, I'm continuing this fic and ignoring that for the time being!

Aaron let himself into The Mill and dropped his bags in the entranceway as he stepped through the door. He felt completely drained by the events over the last day or so.

Stepping further into the flat, it didn’t take him long to see the scene of the attack on Robert. Slowly, he approached the sofa, his eyes wide as they took in the stains on the floor and the cushions. Someone had clearly attempted to clean up the mess, but there was no mistaking the dark patches that had dried, leaving rust-coloured marks behind. The blood had seeped between the wooden floorboards, unable to be reached by a simple wipe of a cloth. A smear of dried blood was obvious on the sofa cushion.

Aaron’s stomach turned at the sight. That was Robert’s blood. He couldn’t imagine how scared Robert must have been in those moments as he lay in that spot, his blood rushing out of his body. The thought that maybe Robert had been lying there thinking that Aaron didn’t even care, hadn’t even called him back after listening to the voicemail message from that bastard, was almost too much to bear.

The furniture was slightly out of place and it suddenly occurred to Aaron that the paramedics had probably pushed it back to get access to be able to work on Robert as he lay prone on the floor. He could almost picture the scene as he stood staring at the blood stains.

Then he could imagine the police entering the flat, observing the scene, collecting their evidence. Because the flat was a crime scene, wasn’t it? And despite what the doctors had told him at the hospital, from what Adam had said it sounded like Robert had been in a serious condition when they’d found him. Had the police been collecting evidence in a possible murder case? How close had it been to being a death rather than an assault that they were investigating?  

He shuddered at the thought and forced himself to move away from where he had been standing.

Looking around the ground floor of the flat, it became obvious that Robert had been staying there for a while. When Aaron had asked him to leave, he’d thought it was obvious that Robert would have to find somewhere else to stay, but the other man had clearly had other ideas and moved back into The Mill once Aaron had left for Ireland. A flash of anger rushed through him at that thought. Robert shouldn’t have even _been_ at their flat. If he hadn’t been there, ignoring Aaron’s request, he never would have encountered Jason at all. His own stubbornness and refusal to accept Aaron’s words had put him in harm’s way.

No.

No, it wasn’t Robert’s fault. He wasn’t to blame for holding onto the hope that they might be able to work things out. He wasn’t to know who Jason was when he appeared on their doorstep. He wasn’t the one who allowed that psycho back into their lives in his desperate need for a hit.

The momentary anger he’d felt towards Robert was quickly pushed aside as he felt it turning back on himself. He was to blame for what had happened. His actions had led to the man he loved being attacked and left for dead.

Robert’s doctor had told Aaron to go home and get some rest, but he really didn’t think that was very likely. How could he get any sleep, or any peace for that matter, knowing what had happened to Robert because of him?

***

It hadn’t taken long for Aaron to return to the hospital. He’d deposited his bags at the flat and left pretty much straight away. He couldn’t sit in the living room at the flat, in the place where Robert had nearly been killed. And there was no point going up to lie in their bed because he knew sleep wouldn’t come.

He’d found Robert still resting peacefully and settled down in the chair beside his bed.

A nurse had come into the room to check on Robert and she’d smiled at him sympathetically.

“Are you Aaron?” she’d asked quietly.

He’d nodded. “Robert’s…” he’d needed to clear his throat before he could continue. “I’m his husband.”

The nurse had nodded at him and went to the locker on the other side of Robert’s bed. She’d pulled out a clear plastic bag and came back round the bed to hand it to Aaron.

“I thought you might like to hang on to these then; keep them safe,” she’d smiled again as he took the bag from her.

Inside he could see two silver bands – their wedding rings lying pressed together in the bag. His eyes had started to burn a little, but he tore them away from the rings as the nurse had continued talking.

“We had to remove his ring when he went for surgery and the other one was in his shirt pocket. It fell out when we took his shirt off when he was brought in.”

Aaron had drawn in a sharp breath at her words and looked back at the rings. Robert had still been wearing his wedding ring. He’d been carrying Aaron’s wedding ring around with him in his pocket, right next to his heart. For how long? Since Aaron had told him it was over and handed the ring back to him? He hadn’t given up, had he? He’d held onto the ring, held on to them, even when things had seemed hopeless.

“I’m afraid his other belongings, his clothes and his phone, were taken by the police. They needed them for their investigation.”

Aaron had looked back up at her and smiled slightly. “Thank you. These are really all that matter.”

***

It seemed like an age before Robert finally started to wake up again. It was a slow process and Aaron hoped that it would help him to be calmer. He twitched and his face scrunched up, he sighed and his eyelids started to flutter, and gradually he opened his eyes and looked right at Aaron sitting beside the bed.

Aaron was holding his breath, hoping that Robert wouldn’t be so distressed this time, hoping that he wouldn’t panic, hoping that Robert would be glad to see him instead of upset by his presence.

Robert blinked at him a few times. His eyelids looked heavy and it seemed like an effort for him to even focus, but he seemed to be forcing himself to do it.

Eventually, Aaron knew he had to speak. It didn’t seem like Robert was about to start talking as he seemed to be trying to get his head around what was going on. Aaron could almost see the cogs whirring in his brain as he tried to make sense of where he was and what had happened.

“Hey,” he said quietly. He didn’t really know what to say and wasn’t that just perfect – hadn’t that been their problem all along? And even now he couldn’t find the right words to use. “How are you feeling?”

Robert blinked again, confusion still on his face. He licked his lips carefully. “Thirsty,” he murmured, his voice painfully quiet and scratchy.

Aaron immediately jumped up, poured him a cup of water and placed the straw into it that the nurse had left. Then he raised Robert’s bed slightly and lifted the cup for him to take a sip. Such a simple task seemed to take a lot of Robert’s energy and Aaron watched him carefully. He hated seeing him like this and it just reminded him again of how close he’d come to losing Robert.

“Better?” he asked when Robert had leant back and he’d taken his seat again.

Swallowing thickly, Robert nodded slightly. He looked closely at Aaron like he was still trying to work everything out. “What happened?” he asked, his voice still gravelly from disuse. “What are you doing here?”

Aaron’s eyes widened at the questions and again he felt tears burn at his eyes. “I’m here for you,” he said simply. “What do you remember?”

***

Robert had recounted as much as he could remember. Since regaining consciousness it seemed like he had gained a little more strength gradually and was able to speak much more easily.

It was obvious that some things stood out to him clearly. He knew that Jason had been in the flat and that when he’d realised who he was he’d been furious. He remembered that Jason had threatened him and made threats against Aaron, and he knew that Jason had made him call Aaron. He couldn’t actually remember being stabbed despite racking his brain for the memory and it was left to Aaron to tell him what he knew about the attack, which wasn’t actually a great deal.

The doctor had been in to check on Robert when he’d heard that he’d regained consciousness and had reassured him that he would most likely remember what had happened eventually. His brain was trying to protect him from the traumatic event and he needed to give himself time.

That hadn’t stopped Robert feeling frustrated by his inability to remember.

“It’s just blank,” he complained. “One minute I can see him standing right there in front of me and then there’s nothing. I need to…”

“Rob,” Aaron said as he put his hand over Robert’s on the bed, interrupting his ranting. “It’s okay. You don’t need to get yourself worked up about it – you’ve only just woken up.”

Robert looked down at Aaron’s hand covering his own and then up at Aaron’s face. They locked eyes for a moment and then Aaron quickly pulled his hand away, tearing his gaze from Robert’s to stare at the door for a moment.

Silence fell between them and Robert didn’t want to think about how awkward things had become. He couldn’t help but be hurt by Aaron’s blatant rejection of him. If Aaron didn’t want to be here, why had he even bothered to come? He didn’t owe Robert anything. And Robert didn’t want him to be there just because of what had happened. He didn’t want Aaron to be there because he felt bad or guilty about it. He could remember feeling that as Jason had hovered over him menacingly with the knife. He could remember not wanting Aaron to be involved in any of this. He didn’t want him anywhere near Jason.  

Before Robert could get too lost in his own head, wondering why Aaron had been sitting by his bedside, Aaron interrupted his thoughts.

“When you woke up the first time…when you saw me…you said that I shouldn’t be here. You didn’t want me here,” Aaron managed to say. It seemed like he was really struggling to say the words.

“I don’t remember saying that,” Robert admitted. He hated the look of sadness on Aaron’s face. And he hated knowing that he was still causing him pain. “But I know _why_ I said it.”

Aaron looked a little shocked but, before he could say anything, Robert had continued. “When I realised that Jason wanted to hurt you, when I saw he had a knife, I didn’t want you anywhere near. I didn’t want you getting involved and getting hurt again. I wanted you to stay in Ireland away from what was going on – I didn’t want you to come back.”

“Of course I was going to come back when I heard what had happened,” Aaron told him earnestly. “I was so scared when I heard that message on my phone. The thought of you with him…I knew what he was capable of and I was terrified that he’d hurt you to get to me.”

“And I knew you’d feel like that,” Robert replied. The frustration he felt was obvious. “I didn’t want you involved and I didn’t want you coming back just because you felt guilty.”

“Of course I feel guilty, Robert. It’s _my_ fault! He only hurt you because of _me_ ,” Aaron said angrily.

Robert knew the anger Aaron felt wasn’t directed at him – not really. He was angry with himself, always turning the blame onto himself and Robert had had enough.  

“ _No_!” he erupted. He pushed himself up a little straighter, wincing slightly as he moved. Aaron’s eyes were wide and he looked torn between shock and concern over Robert’s outburst. “I’m not letting you do this. I’m not letting you take the blame and put it all on yourself again. If you’re going to blame someone, you’ll have to blame me. Everything that’s happened leads back to me and the things that I’ve done. If you’re only here because you’re feeling guilty, you’d better just leave because I’ve got enough guilt of my own to deal with.” Robert was breathing rapidly, drawing in sharp breaths as he finished speaking, his eyes determined as he stared at Aaron.

Aaron was looking back at him in stunned silence. His mouth opened a few times as though he were about to say something but no words came out.

“Robert, are you alright?” A soft voice from the doorway alerted them both to the concerned-looking nurse standing there.

The interruption was enough to shatter the moment of painful silence between them and Robert’s heart sank as he watched Aaron use it as his opportunity to quickly slip out of the door and disappear down the corridor. He sighed deeply and sank back against his pillows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm snarfettelove on tumblr.
> 
> To clarify, I don't actually think Aaron or Robert are to blame for Robert getting stabbed, but that's the way their minds are working right now and they'll need to actually start communicating to get over that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a few thousand words of ‘what if Jason came back to The Mill and found Robert instead of Aaron’ and it turned into over 12,000 words of angst and drama! Thanks for reading and your feedback – it means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy the final chapter.

Robert had fallen into a restless sleep not long after Aaron had walked out of his room. He’d wanted to stay awake; he’d tried to fight against the pull of exhaustion but it was too much. The combination of the mental and physical strain of what had happened to him along with the painkillers he was dosed up on, left him struggling to stay awake even though he was desperate not to give in.

He’d jolted awake several times, hoping to find Aaron back in the chair beside his bed, but he was always left disorientated and disappointed each time he opened his eyes. He couldn’t rest easily. There was too much running through his already overwhelmed mind for him to find peace. And then the sleep he had managed to find had brought nightmares with it. Visions of Jason’s twisted, sickening grin as he’d plunged the knife into Robert’s stomach and then yanked it free from his flesh, left him gasping awake. At least that meant he’d remembered, in frightening detail, what had actually happened to him.

But the worst image was the one his brain had created of Aaron confronting Jason over what had happened, and Jason slashing his knife through Aaron as Robert watched on helplessly from the prison of his hospital bed, unable to move as the sheets ensnared him and he screamed in horror.

Robert had snapped awake, clawing at the crisp white sheets of his bed, desperate to make sure that Aaron was safe, only to find no sign of his husband and he suddenly remembered why. He could have cried at the realisation and feeling of loss that swept through him, but before he could sink into despair, there was a knock at the door to his room and two people stepped inside.

“Mr Sugden, I’m Detective Constable Ingles and this Detective Inspector Draycott,” the woman introduced the pair of them. “We’re pleased to see that you’re awake. We’d like to ask you some questions about what happened to you.”

Robert had known they were police as soon as they’d appeared in the doorway; they just had that look about them. He sighed before pushing himself up slightly in his bed. The two officers approached him and he cleared his throat before beginning to speak.

***

After the police had left him, Robert had drifted in and out of sleep again. He was frustrated by his inability to stay awake for any great period of time but, when he’d quizzed her when he’d been awake, one of the nurses had reassured him that it was his body’s way of repairing itself and he needed to be patient. He’d almost laughed at that – patience wasn’t one of his best known traits, after all.

When he blearily opened his eyes again, he was stunned to find Aaron sitting beside his bed again, a look of concern on his face as he watched Robert. He’d almost given up hope that Aaron would even come back.

He’d felt so hurt, so lost, when Aaron had walked out of his room without so much as a goodbye, and Robert had cursed himself for telling Aaron that if guilt was all he had, he might as well just go. Shouldn’t he have just accepted Aaron’s presence at his side and been grateful for it, no matter what prompted him to be there? But then he’d reminded himself that he didn’t want that. He wanted Aaron to _want_ to be with him, not just come back to him because he felt like he owed Robert something. He’d had enough of them inadvertently hurting one another with the choices they made about their relationship – enough was enough.

“You came back?” he said quietly. It was a statement but it seemed so much more like a question. Robert’s doubts about why Aaron would even bother were so obvious in just those few words.

Aaron swallowed thickly. “Of course I came back,” he replied. “No matter what you think, I’m here because I care about you, Rob.”

The words caused some tiny spark of hope to ignite in Robert’s chest but he refused to get carried away.

“Do you really believe that I only came back from Ireland because I felt guilty about what had happened?” he asked. His blue eyes were intense as he stared at Robert, waiting for his answer.

It was Robert’s turn to swallow thickly. He knew he needed to be honest with Aaron. It was time that both of them started telling each other the truth, actually talking about what was going on in their heads instead of hiding it and making everything worse.

“I was afraid that’s why,” he admitted quietly. “I didn’t want you here because you felt like you were responsible.”

Aaron looked like he was about to disagree, but Robert stopped him.

“Aaron, if you can’t accept that this wasn’t your fault then there’s no point continuing this conversation.”

The look on Aaron’s face told Robert that he still couldn’t let go of his guilt and he knew that he had to get through to Aaron if they wanted to make any progress.

“Did you stab me?” he asked bluntly.

Aaron’s eyes widened at the unexpected question. He looked appalled at the idea.

“No, Jason did,” Robert said firmly. “When you were in prison, did you ask him to torture you and make your life hell?”

Again, Aaron looked dumbfounded, but something in his eyes told Robert that he was understanding where Robert was going with his questions.

“Jason is a psycho,” Robert said simply. “He’s a thug who only knows how to deal with things by hurting other people and destroying lives.”

“But he hurt you to get to _me_ ,” Aaron argued, the pain he felt at the words was obvious as his voice cracked. “He could have killed you.”

Robert waved his hand through the air as though batting away Aaron’s words. “He’d have to try harder to achieve that. Doesn’t he know that I survived being shot in the chest?” He wanted so desperately to take the pained expression from Aaron’s face.

“Don’t joke about it,” Aaron huffed out, but Robert was pleased to see the corner of his mouth lifting slightly.

“I won’t accept you blaming yourself for this, Aaron. I won’t let you feel guilty. That nutcase put me in here, not you.”

Aaron was silent as he processed Robert’s words, looking down at his hands to avoid eye contact with Robert.

Robert knew him too well. He knew that Aaron would still be holding on to his anguish over what had happened. He knew that he’d still be going through all the ‘what ifs’ of the situation and finding a way to bring the blame back to himself. Robert intended to spend as long as it took to make him realise that it wasn’t his fault.

“Why did you come back, Aaron?” Robert eventually asked. He needed to know the answer, even if it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear. He was still adamant that he didn’t only want Aaron there out of guilt or pity. 

Lifting his eyes from his finger nails that he’d found so interesting in the last few moments, Aaron looked at him intently. “When we broke up,” Aaron began and he had to swallow again before he could continue, as though the words caused him pain. “When I told you it was over, I told you that I’d always love you. And I meant it. I still love you, Robert. Whatever else has happened, or will happen, I’ll always love you.”

The words were like a balm to Robert’s wounded heart, but he knew that just because Aaron loved him that didn’t make everything alright between them. They weren’t suddenly going to fit back into how their lives were before he’d ruined everything.

“When I heard that message, from him, on my phone, I thought…I _knew_ that something bad had happened to you. All I could think about was getting to you. And when Adam called me and said it was bad and you were in hospital, I really thought that I was going to lose you, forever.”

Tears had started to pool in Aaron’s eyes as he spoke and Robert so desperately wanted to reach out a wipe them away as they trailed down his cheeks. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to do that anymore – hadn’t he lost his right to soothe Aaron in that way? Instead he placed his hand over one of Aaron’s that had started fiddling with the blanket over his bed.

“I _can’t_ lose you, Robert. I love you too much,” he said before scrubbing at his eyes with his free hand.  

Robert drew in a shuddery breath. He could feel tears stinging at the back of his own eyes and he blinked rapidly to fight them back. He needed to be able to speak to Aaron and if he started crying now, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get any words out through his sobs.

“I love you, too,” he said as he stroked Aaron’s hand. “You know that. I want us to be together. I want us to work it out, but we can only do that when you’re ready. I don’t want to push you into anything and rush you, and I don’t want you to want us to fix this just because of what’s happened to me.”

Aaron looked up at him and his bottom lip wobbled again. Robert wanted to kiss him, to hold him, but he knew that he had to be patient. He was going to let Aaron lead the way this time.

“You’re right. What’s happened doesn’t change the things we’ve made a mess of. It doesn’t erase all of the mistakes we’ve made and how we’ve hurt each other. But…we need to figure this out. _I_ want us to figure this out,” Aaron managed to say. “We’ve got a lot that we need to work through, a lot that we need to talk about and find a way to deal with. And…I think that maybe we need some help to do it…like maybe we need to talk to someone – both of us.”

Robert drew in a deep breath and nodded slightly at the suggestion. He didn’t want to admit it, but maybe Aaron was right. Maybe he needed to take a look at his own state of mind as well as expecting Aaron to attend counselling sessions.

“Maybe we should start slow and just, I don’t know, see how it goes.” Aaron continued with a shrug, and Robert smiled at how adorably unsure of himself he seemed. Surely he had to know that Robert would do anything for him.

“I think slow would be a nice change of pace for us,” Robert agreed with a slight smirk.

Aaron actually returned his smile and they slipped into contented silence for a few minutes.

Robert almost wanted to cheer with relief. They’d actually managed to have a conversation about how they felt and what they wanted without either of them storming out of the room, or screaming at one another, or saying all the wrong things, defending themselves and hurting one another in the process.  

_Progress_ , he thought to himself, _one step at a time and we might just get there_.

Eventually, Robert found himself drifting again, struggling to fight off the pull of sleep and he must have fallen asleep because the next time he opened his eyes, Aaron wasn’t at his bedside anymore. He looked up and found Aaron standing outside his room, having an intense looking conversation with Cain.

_Shit,_ was the first thought that popped into Robert’s brain.

It didn’t take long for Aaron to notice that Robert was awake and peering through the open door at him. His eyes widened a little before he quickly wrapped up his discussion with Cain and walked back into Robert’s room. Robert noticed that Cain didn’t leave the corridor; he lingered outside the room, obviously finding a chair to sit in and wait. But what he was waiting for was what concerned Robert.

Aaron settled himself down in this seat again and smiled weakly at Robert. He looked concerned, like he had too much on his mind again. Robert knew him too well, could read the signs on his face and the little mannerisms that gave him away, like chewing on the corner of his lower lip and the little frown lines that had appeared between his eyebrows.

“Why’s Cain here?” Robert asked when it became obvious that Aaron wasn’t going to start talking.

Aaron’s gaze landed on him for a moment before his eyes darted away. He fiddled with the edge of the sheet on Robert’s bed. “He was there…when Adam found you, Cain was there.”

“Right,” Robert said. “So he’s come to bring me a bunch of grapes, has he? Come to check on how I’m doing because I know how fond of me he is, obviously.”

Aaron looked at him sharply, something that might have been anger playing across his features. “He was worried, you know.”

Robert’s eyebrow rose in disbelief. He hummed lowly. “Worried about how you were going to react if I didn’t make it, you mean? Worried about how you were going to go off on a one-man mission to make Jason pay. I’m guessing that’s why he’s here – so he can accompany you when you pay Jason a visit?” It was a question, but not really, because Robert _knew_ Aaron. He knew how his mind worked and how the Dingles took things into their own hands when they thought justice needed to be delivered. Cain wasn’t there to stop Aaron doing something stupid: he was there to help him get his revenge.

“He could have _killed_ you,” Aaron hissed at him, leaning forward in his seat, his eyes locked on Robert’s intently as though Robert needed to understand how serious it was. He was well aware of how bad it was – he was the one with the hole in his abdomen.

“You can’t go after him, Aaron.”

“So you expect me to do nothing? Whatever you say, Robert, he hurt you to send me a message. He hurt you to get to me and I can’t sit back and do nothing,” Aaron told him angrily.

“You have to,” Robert said desperately. “Please, Aaron. You’ll get yourself killed or locked up again, and then I’ll lose you all over again. You said that you couldn’t bear the thought of losing me forever, so do you really think that I could ever lose you?”

Aaron’s face had softened a little, but the spark of determination and underlying anger was still there in his eyes. “Rob,” he sighed, but Robert wasn’t going to let him start coming up with reasons why he had to go after Jason.

“When has seeking revenge ever done us any good?” he asked. He didn’t care that his voice sounded so desperate – he _was_ desperate. “I know I’ve always been the one who’s sought to make people suffer if they’ve messed with me, but don’t you see? This will never end; we’ll just keep going round in this cycle. And look what violence has done to us so far. Do you really think I want you to have someone’s murder on your conscience for the rest of your life just because of me? Because that’s what’ll happen if you and Cain go chasing after him now. Or what if something goes wrong? Even Cain’s not invisible. What if Jason hurts you? _Kills_ you? All because of me. Do you think I could live with that?” He tried to pour everything he had, every part of his love for Aaron into his words and show it on his face. “If we want to move on, _really_ move on and try to be together properly, because it’s what we both want, this has to be the first step. You have to let this go. I’m begging you, Aaron.” He grabbed hold of Aaron’s hand and squeezed it tightly, his eyes glued to Aaron’s. “ _Please_. Don’t go after him.”

This was it. If Aaron pulled his hand away from Robert’s now, if he turned his gaze away and walked towards the door, there would be no coming back.

Aaron was clearly struggling with what Robert had said. His frown had grown more pronounced and he was tearing at his lip more vigorously. “How can I just let him get away with what he did to you?” he eventually asked, but his voice was calm now, almost sad as he thought about Robert’s injury.

“He won’t get away with it - I promise,” Robert reassured him. He took a breath, not really looking forward to how Aaron might react to his next words. “I spoke to the police this morning, before you’d come back. I told them everything.”

Aaron just stared at him in shock.

“I want him to pay for what he’s done, and not just what he’s done to me. He’s hurt you so much too and he deserves to spend the rest of his life behind bars. The police said they have enough evidence to arrest him and charge him with attempted murder. And then there’s the GBH, along with the threatening behaviour and holding me prisoner. He’s a violent thug with a record as long as your arm – he’ll get sent down for a very long time for what he’s done.”

A sound like a little choked off sob came from Aaron as he listened to Robert’s words.

“Aaron?” Robert asked and he leaned forward a little, wincing as his stitches pulled. “What is it?”

Aaron shuddered and wiped at his nose with the sleeve of his hoodie. “It’s just…hearing you say all that…it just makes me realise how much you went through, what he did to you, how scared you must have been.” He looked up at Robert, tears swimming in his eyes, and Robert felt his heart aching for him. If anyone understood how cruel and terrifying Jason could be, it was Aaron.

“Hey,” he said softly. “I’m here, aren’t I? I wasn’t going to leave you, no matter what he did. Messed up forever, remember?”

Aaron actually smiled a little at the words – it was a weak, watery sort of smile but it was a smile either way. He swallowed thickly and wiped at his eyes. “If you want to let the police handle this, then…I respect your decision. I promise I won’t go after Jason.”

Robert actually closed his eyes as he felt the relief wash over him. “Thank you,” he whispered.

They both seemed lost to their own thoughts for a while as they processed everything that had happened and been said between them. For the first time in a long while, it felt like they might actually be alright.

“Rob?” Aaron eventually broke the silence. “When you’re out of hospital and feeling a bit more up to it, would you like to go out for lunch somewhere?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Robert’s face lit up in surprise and delight.

“Yeah, I suppose so,” Aaron replied. His cheeks were a little flushed. “We didn’t really do so well on that front before, did we? And if we’re trying to sort out some of our problems, I think it might be a good idea to talk somewhere that isn’t Emmerdale and that doesn’t come with all the history we have there.”

“I’d really like that,” Robert agreed immediately. “I really want us to work this out.”

“Me too,” Aaron told him, and he squeezed his hand tight.

Maybe, just maybe, this time they’d get it right.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to avoid the cliché of ‘you got hurt so that erases all of our problems and we’re magically back together’ which is why I chose to finish this story here. Aaron and Robert were made for one another and in the future after this fic they will definitely work through their problems, get some help, communicate (shock horror!) and prove that they belong together forever no matter what gets thrown at them. Oh, and obviously Aaron has the two wedding rings in his possession now, so if you like, you can imagine that he kept them and gave Robert his back when he proposed to him a little while after this fic – that’s what I’m going to stick with as a little headcanon for the future of this fic!
> 
> Also, I know some of you might have wanted Aaron to go after Jason and make him pay for what he’d done to Robert, but for me that wouldn’t have allowed Aaron to show any progress. Yes, he wanted to kill Jason for what he’d done which I think a lot of us could empathise with, but I didn’t want him to actually carry that desire out as to me that would be really going around in circles.
> 
> Thanks for reading and your support while I’ve been writing this – I’d love to know what you thought of this. I’m snarfettelove on tumblr.


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